10.10.14

Patience is a good long term strategy

I use to think that I know how to change the quality of life that people would like to choose so they would gain more by helping other people more. I use to think I had the answers and though I could not articulate it I could live it demonstrate it and in doing so be an example in an eventual slow evolution towards a more balanced and whole way of living. But then my life crashed and was shit and the foundations were exposed and shown to be barren.

The more I learn the more I realise I don't know.

The more I learn about life the more I feel like that things I previously thought stupid and destructive are actually things I can empathise with. As a teenager of course I knew it all and how to fix adults if only they would choose to be more creative. Now I find the traps that the stupid adults face are real and I am trapped there too and I will make the poor evil choices I must to survive for there isn't the easy beautiful butterfly solutions I once thought that life had hidden for me to easily discover jut below the surface.

I have a lot of ideas. Ideas are dangerous.

I I I I eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

4.4.14

don't do this or you will get ruined off of the google



make you stay

bike the hand that feeds me

some kind of resolution
FEELING ONLY LOVE IT IS DARKEST BEFORE THE DAWN
What is the matter with me?
Fired for not showing up. If I'd have known they cared I would have been there. But I I always felt kind of superfluous. baad. They never commented on missing me when I wasn't there. At all. I have mixed feelings about being fired. Should I take the opportunity to just leave and not care about love lost since I was often unhappy there anyway. On the other hand it was a pretty sweet day in a lot of ways and I really loved being there when there wasn't too much BS and I was really helping people fix their problems.

Should I retaliate. Should I fight it? Who and how.

Am I too trusting? Am I too dumb? Is it all my fault? Did I do myself in? Just an empty place? Just like the weather. Can't hold him together. Burning through the bloodline. Cutting down the family tree. Growing in the landscape darling. 1st world problems. I hate that phrase and idea so much. I was a pioneer of that kind of cynicism when I was 12 or 13 and learned about Noam Chomsky and how false our guilded media headscape was. But there is something bitter and jealous and apathetic.... First world problems are trivial after all. Better we all be exploited subject of colonial empire so that none be greater. Any luxury should be begrudged. That some prosper we must hate?

Certainly I could understand that sentiment from the poor and beaten down. But typically it is a right wing call to disunite and apathy from someone wrapped up in that 1st world pettiness more than anything else? OTOH maybe the literal meaning could bring a more global awareness. For AWARENESS. is. after. all. the answer.

Information overload doesn't exist. Be self aware individual. Be Ayn. Be Arnie. Be the terminator. All altruism is self interested.

I have a 3 year old and a 6 year old and the thought of them in contrast to this bleakness makes my eyes tear up. Joy Joy Joy and love is real in this world now. Please. Please be peace. Crying out and love. Love is not enought.

Divorce and custody battles over children. It is a real thing. Too poor to fight anyway. In my 1st world problem vortex.

Just consumer consume. I could be so good at using it all up if only I had the money didn't just have me.

Negotiate for me lawyer of the famiyl law freebie ya good fucking luck swimming upstream against the convention that the mom gets the kids.

I haven't been taking chances.

I have been taking chances.

The wrong ones I guess.

I don't text or email you back fucking asshole. Not any friend not any family. I just wallow in my pit of self pity listening to Marshall Rosenberg. And all it does is teach me to listen for the judgement in the others voices and how they could have said things to me better and how they could be better and how unfair it is to me that they are judging me and I can superiorly offer to them how they SHOUDLHSOUDLHSOUDLHSOODHLSOHDOSHLSHDOHSOS
should.

umm

pile of starred emails to read. Be safe and play 2048 all day.

I SHOULD be in jail just for my moral degeneracy. Boooooooooooooom.,

Stupid and ego. I have the capacity. You have the youpacity. I can't see how I could get to be you. I want to be less alone. But I want to be sooo alone. Alone. WIth it all. No interuptions. Too successful. Tooooooo.

7 devils all around you. 7 devils in my heart.

Toothbrushing song:
Oh the blue sky is so high
oh the blue sky is so high
high as the stars

and the sun is orange and juicy
and the grass is green
and the sea is blue
and I am alone

and it is all so colour
deepness of colour
do you understand my story if I don't tell you there is a character.

my character is yuo., Asusme is it. YU. Mi. Me and u. Lover to lover. The I it and not the I though. Thou. Whatever. I sneezed a Buber. Goober. Buger. Buker. Puker. Looper.

I wish I could do it over. Do it over. Doo be doo.

The sky is blue.

noboydee cares anymore about reading it. worlds are empty. the universe is math and math is our real god. love is pure numbers that can't fail or let you down even though the abstract is never real there is no faith required because we are objective atheists and we belive in the live living numbers of the sport. statistical living and healthcare outcurumbs outcomes the cum the healthcare is a statistic. We have to give to the medecine the statistically most strategic patients and triad the rest. Don't give old people surgery. They will die.

bigbigbigbigb3

soap.



depreciated html styles. the 7 keys to the 14 people who have the keyto turn of the internet.

Everything I say is true. Everythign I say is a real. Spelliing mistakes are obsolete. The last thing to ever be was that. The last thing to be ever waws trast.

I am really living my own real live lift right now for realzies.

(z or s I prefer the britich I am more civilised)

y3s.

leeeetspeak 1337 h4x0r




That guy has a big beard. MY insightful and witty teweet.

google plus1!
facebook
myspace
linkedin
those chinese ones badu or xobo or whatever
pinterest
stumbleupon
the other one
blogger!
the email!
the android and ios cellular telephones
all the likes
spam
merchantOS
ubuntu
linux
wondows
mac
pc
office
computers
binary
c++
coding
taking care of business.

MNFTIU.CC

xkcd
okcupid
superbad
intetert
wikipedia
youtuybe
buzzfeed
rss
googles
bing
apples
foxconn or comm just read it off your motherboard

techsupport made in india

your 2011 phone is a relic

someone paid $490 for that phone in 2011 and I bought it on ebay for $70. The first one I bought for $15 from poland but I sniped it and he lied and never sent it. Or it got lost in the mail. Anyway I got a paypal refuned and the system works. anyway the usb on that one was maybe broken so probably better that I didn't do that. but my $70 phone has a scratch on the lens. Maybe it was in my pocket and my fault? The camera on a cameraphone is important.

REddit. add se;lected image. put in more piuctures it will be more interesting that way. cut and paste. desktop publishing!

desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!desktop publishing!

NSA wuz here!

obaba obama husssen

Iwatch the DAILY show cuz I am a smart cookie so there to you TVTVTVTVTGFVTFGVTFGFGVTFGFGVTGTGVtvtvtvtvtvttvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvttvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvttvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvtvttvtvtvtvtvtvtv

minor heading sytle

normal

subheading

the crossed out strikehsouhgfhj words

 

spellcheck it

 

spell it weird and then you can copyright the word or patent TM whatever. Actually for sure it's trademark. TM. obviously that is what it would be. The thing you do when you speel a word wrong and say it is your company name them you can find it in a goodle search and then you get the search engine optimasation.

 

more:
tumblr is supposed to be like Tumbeler... Actually I don't know the proper spelling of that one LOL

  emopticons:

9 basic needs from Rosenberg (3-05 Basic Human Needs.mp3) Manfred Max Neef -Sustenance (food, air, water, shelter) -Safety (protection) -Love -Empathy -Rest (Recreation, Play) -Community -Creativity -Autonomy (Choose own way of life) -Meaning (purpose. to contribute to life. to make others richer) All human beings have the same needs.9 basic needs from Rosenberg (3-05 Basic Human Needs.mp3) Manfred Max Neef -Sustenance (food, air, water, shelter) -Safety (protection) -Love -Empathy -Rest (Recreation, Play) -Community -Creativity -Autonomy (Choose own way of life) -Meaning (purpose. to contribute to life. to make others richer) All human b
eings have the same needs.9 basic needs from Rosenberg (3-05 Basic Human Needs.mp3) Manfred Max Neef -Sustenance (food, air, water, shelter) -Safety (protection) -Love -Empathy -Rest (Recreation, Play) -Community -Creativity -Autonomy (Choose own way of life) -Meaning (purpose. to contribute to life. to make others richer) All human beings have the same needs.9 basic needs from Rosenberg (3-05 Basic Human Needs.mp3) Manfred Max Neef -Sustenance (food, air, water, shelter) -Safety (protection) -Love -Empathy -Rest (Recreation, Play) -Community -Creativity -Autonomy (Choose own way of life) -Meaning (purpose. to contribute to life. to make others richer) All human beings have the same needs.

at least things can't get any wqor worse.

I belong to the hurricane.

it's ogoing to drink myself to death.

of oh that you see me because I'm staring at you.

vice magazine is real news peroi reporting.

CBC2 radio has ads for Northern Gatewaya from the leader of the 251 recomendations are binding and they agreed more than canadian stadards for oil pipelines.

Ettiquette.

classy

take what the water gave me.

http://www.tarsandssos.org/ <<

I'm really fired though I guess. By email and with "great regret" but I am frineds with the boss. its who you  know don't you know.

I am no longer self empoloyed.

i need the money though

bottom line

at the bootom of the botom

I get not more bottom licking cuz I'm devoring seperated

no more of that sweet cunny bottom

no more

the starts

the moon

have all beeen blown out

twighlight movies

2.6.13

213830 library

Well, in this being blamed. The people next to you have mental health problems but so do you.

TOP TEN LIST!:
  1. There is a frog in your shoe and you squish it between your toes then your toe gets broken.
  2. You meet all these lovely ladies on the internet dating websites and they are all bisexual and intellectual but everyone is lonely and doesn't trust one another so they just look at pictures of each other all the time constantly ranking themselves against each other and writing words to no one but never writing back because there is nobody there anymore. And we have all violated the terms of service. And divorce is the nightmare you choose it to be so you better getting fucking the green green grass on the otherside in your mind and forget where you are today.
  3. Sir, you are only 34 years old which means you could still be the president of the Queen and ride her down that red-carpet in a lambour-ghini bikini.
  4. Radiohead is about the radio in your head but since the internet is dead then we all sleep along again.
  5. Spoon with your enemies. Late at night sneak into their army encampment and curl up behind and cuddle them. You are not wearing any pants and neither are they. But you don't fuck, that is a rule. And in the morning you look away, silent from their nakedness.
  6. These girls fall like dominoes. Into your lap. Because you are all fucked up watching youtube videos. MTV and TV watching teenagers from the 1980s who ignored their parents... that was in the next 21st century smartphone generation grandpa. Crush some puss. Online. Beep boop is all that new music.
  7. I collect their underwear and suck it clean inside of my mouth hole. But the cooking channel has a competition and I didn't sniff and do it as well. Strange. But the cooking show is showing me that I am not really perverted enough for you to be reading my blog.
  8. The bicycle factory and all the badly formed front derailleurs.
  9. There is no time and that will never change but we do have more garbage to fill it up than we ever did before.
  10. Spoons can be mended.
Should you be worried about her mental health and not so worried about your own pain? Or is it the opposite and you have been to much neglecting the self care and now you are stuck, sick, dying, panting, panties, orgasmic natural home birth, all the genius's in history were born at home.

Baby shower. BABIES are cute.

10.5.13

Trying to look like you don't try.

No one can see you.

  • The internet is a technical school teaching you to do nothing with your life. School of nowhere here we are. Welcome.

I'm not afraid. I'm always afraid.

The loss of everything you have ever been attached too is more and less hurtful than you would think it would be. More. And. Less.

There is a way you could swim forever out into the ocean and never come back. But drowning is supposed to be a very bad and painful way to go. Hypothermia I hear is pretty sweet, there is a natural narcotic effect to mean it is gentle. But I would rather die fighting if it were ever to come to that. Or fall out of an airplane.

So there was this guy and he had about 17 women lovers who all lived with him and had sex with him and each other. He never got any work done but then he was loaded and it was all bliss. And they had lots of happy babies and were all loved and supported and it was a biblical blisss. And the cult they started was the one that ended up taking over the planet and then everybody died... no, more than that because everyone always dies, eventually... what I mean to say is the human species went extinct due to this lesbian loving attachment parenting non violent communication cult.

So then this one goes up and down and round and round and the merri-go-round part is a bad hacked gmail account and a keylogger and a firefox spy plugin. All of these things collude to keep the insane person insane and prevent her (or him, we are equal opportunity these days and hysteria or hysterical historical histrionic personality disorder is something that only affects effectively about 80% of the femmes, or rather the dispersal pattern is equal to only about 4 out of 5 with it, are it, cunning I say...) from becoming truly in control of their facilities. I always thought about it but I never threatened to leave even. 13.5 years later. I took it all for granted for so much of the time. And yet...

What to do? Love a jerk. Don't reciprocate. Chip on the shoulder. Lots and lots of music forever and that is just the frozen version of the passionate physical broken hearted everything feelings.
s
o
w
h
a
t
everybody does it. every day. grow old and die. alone. again and agina and again.


  • communications breakdown



the

yes always the same. normal human. blame. anger. anger management. democratic man model of masculinity vs the master slave paradigm.

emotions are like a bowel movement, they have to happen. we shouldn't be telling our kids to not have 'em. What kind of a doctor is that. Reason is not the centre, reasonably speaking we are emotional beings. We must attach, attach, attach and play the alpha role.

except if it is a fully grown person in love. a man is not a child. a child can do no wrong. a child is the centre of it all.

It is easier to build strong children than to fix broken men sayeth frederick douglass. Therefore all kids must be bust free from any kind of the shackles of civilisation or encumberment that tarnishes the pure attachment of pure love. Then droppeth on the doorstep of capitalism to pull up the boot strapeth. Thus sayeth the hippie rebel stock market computer masters that have defied the evil to create a new material order.

Of things. Just more things. More and more, really.
   
ok you shoudl buy a smartphone then. so you can lose the use the internet less often.

physical and verbal and emotional and parental and imaginary and real abuse.

neglect it all just sit in front of the computer. just sit in front of the spring flowers. just damn the neighbour and be embarrassed who cares the only problem is your reputations

IF YOU FEEL ALONE BE ALONE

Togetherness and connection is my need. That is what I lack. That is what I drive away with a passion. That is what I yearn for. I need. I observe. I feel. My clear request that is not a demand is that YOU SHOULD always never nitpick your nose because the cuts on our face are there to be exploited for the rest of our piss bowl made of stainless steel. But now even that is sexy to me because I have nothing and am nothing.

I was not on the same page. I was surprised. I should write coherently for once so that I could read this and remember what was going on in my life by not just the date and a guess about the odd emotional cuecard. In private.

Fakebooooooock

booooooeeeeeeeeks at the library are so many overdue but some are the last you would know about. Some are just the generic title so how can you find it cuz it's mixed with 884 other children'tssss boooeeeekz.

B00!

Don't get mad, get even. Don't get mad, blame yourself. Don't blame, have a spiritual connection where needs are requested joyfully giving you my receiving as a gift. So there you spies can keep the pace to pave with moi. Syphilitic outbrerak of the wurst kynd. Only in the back feild where you must pay to camp with cash not credit card.

Wrtite to parks canada parks BC that the typos are jus too mush.

No one can stop me. Now. Let go of love to gain it. Play the game to prove you are mature enough to not be thought of as the one who is caught up in trivial games. Be super.

I am the author of my own demise. That means I can fix it, right? write? right?

12.12.11

...So all the city was burning...







...and we watched it on TV. except that TV is obsolete. Nobody watches a screen in the same room as someone else anymore. They each have their own phone with a screen each in its own room. And if it was a video game or real life it didn't really matter. the only games we bother to play are the nihilistic ones.





I really like the music of crystal castles.

bombing cities by robot drone is a great idea for economies of scale. but the problem is people get computer viruses on their robot drone computer bombers. it mostly comes from unencrypted USB sticks that are left on trains by communist nazi terrorists who want to infect you with a satanic excel spreadsheet virus. You must buy the update of Norton Anti-virus every month more $39 and also get AVG on alternating months. Have those two pieces of software fight each other. this is darwinian evolution and we need it. they your computer will survive because it is the "fittest" and you can go on safely using it to remotely detonate predator sting wasp bandit USA brand drone bombers. The one Iran got was a fake. I have first hand proof (I was the real hacker behind it and I work for the CIA front which is actually called wikileaks and we have our very own South Park episode so that means you shouldn't share music with your friends on the internet.)

London Malls burned. But there was no tiger on the social network and they didn't torch nearly as many cars as the efficient muslim french youth

Drive your car to the Xmas tree lot to declare war on the founding fathers lack of Xmas tree decorations on the Colbert Reporte card SuperPAC

the clearcut pinebettle windfall profits