29.4.05

BEGIN THEBigDATEapril29


There is no such thing. Bubblegum is returning to the womb. Let's all paint pictures of our own genitals using oil paints. Yes, Lets!

I want a wedding where the bodyguards are wearing dresses. I want a lawn that never grows old. I want a beach all covered in mould. I want to drive in the shower. I want a new kind of plastic that will feed the children. I want a TV that never turns off even when you pull the plug. I want a cold fire. I want to market it all. I want to market it all to you. You and me are living together in the market but you should give me all your money because I have the ideas and you do the work. I want Karl Marx to come back and do a Gap commercial. I want a guitar that plays the piano. I want a piano that is a computer. I want a computer that thinks aloud. I want a bathtup that floats in the air. I want and aircompressor that will fan the flames of hatred. I want a war that will always end too soon but when it is over there is nothing left but a single red baloon. I want to say all you need to hear in under 3 minutes. I want to show you my dream in under 15 seconds with time for the logo and contact website. I want to blog the bottle of beer under the table full. I want to be with you here now and then and in the future and yesterday and those days we were apart and every second that you were sleeping and before you were born and under your fingernails and plugging your ears.

Drums beat loud in the street everyday but they are only a recording to ward off the pigeons and other riff raff pedestrian types.

Once a month I go to the doctor for my checkup. She takes my samples and reads the charts for my science testing. I am not going to be able to keep doing that in the future because I am running out of money and my puppy dog children's eyes are evaporating into the sunset and if you put it to music she didn't know that I was in pain because she had to see her next patient before the stores closed.

Business hours are Nine to Five. They picked those perticular hours because that is the type of hours that keep busy. They chose to use plastic forks because it was cheaper. It was not that they didn't care about the environment it was just that they had a job to do and underneath it all was the bottom line.

WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWw

The Bottom line of the graph is the X axis and represents time. The Up axis is a Y. Underneath the graph you put the label for the graph. Unless of course it is a political graph on TV and in that case you just say good good or bad bad depending if the line points top right or bottom right... then you subliminally say your bit and move on so that the next advertiser can have his turn.

Back before the turn of the centrury there wasnt any toothpaste and dentists were terrible and nobody had teeth so they all died and frowned before the cameras. If only they had used colgate toothbrushes back then then they might still be alive today with you loving you and sharing in special moments such as birthdays, weddings and funerals.

I get cross eyed when watching the TV. It is my motor reflex defense mechanism. I do it to avoid brainwashing.

When you aren't done eating you are hungary. When you are done eating you are then full. When you are learning a new language you ask a lot of questions. When you are using italics the words slant to the right. In japan [Nippon to you Nippers] they sometimes read right to left because they are all crazy. People there don't know what forks and knifes are and they can't even cut anything unless they use scissors and childred have to use safety scissors. Is it really so strange? I could be a rockstar you know. If only you would read this better, do a better job reading you, you lazy bumb can't even bother to read my brilliance. I could be a dictator and god. Once I build a mueseum on the moon. It was a museum about butterflys and moths and featured samples of those moths from the 1900s when there was lots of coal smog in the air and they evolved to be camoflaged dirty like the air and the trees.

"No, this is true, they really went a lot blacker on the wings those moths, in only a few short decades."

"They might have turned back brown colour because there is less smog but actually they are all dead now."

"No, don't say that, it's not true, they are still around just less of them."

"I thought they had gone extinct?"

"No, I saw this TV show on the BBC/PBS and they Did change back to brown. They ended up sad. Really really sad."

"That is how people evolved too, from monkeys and black people."

"I heard monkeys had beans instead of brains and black people use to eat them until they were converted to be Xians."

Santa says: "Never Forget"

17.4.05

BEGIN April 17th


There has been a computer error. I wrote the title of this blog as : NOTHING IS NOTHING

But somehow it got changed to NOTHING ISn't NOTHING.

I swear I didn't do that. Somebody hacked my blog and changed it!!! Or a mysterious computer error. Don't laugh, my PentiumTMCCComputer does 533 Million things per second, some mistakes must happen, our probability of the laws of physics working is less than that...

Spooky!

8.4.05

holy fucketty!!!

BEGIN April 8 happy birthday mom


Well , I wrote something profound but then the computer erased it. Nevermind, because the military music will continue.

Something about the white buffalo. The dream is that even though the good clean ideas are always dying an lost forever that they will not be lost because they will be mutated transmuted and inevitable in the form of the white buffalo that has come again and ressurrection is our dream because we are such a pathetic people.

PATHETIC IN EVERY CORNER OF THE WORLD!!!

Yes, you already know what I mean.

No, you can't pretend I am just the crazy and you don't know what I am talking about. We always know what the crazies are speaking of. We ALL do. Yep. Yep. Yessiree. But don't read that hear because it is only a fallacy and we will never admit.

Just do everything they say and then you will probably be safe. Cooperation is the name of the game. Don't fight the power, be the river.

Q: What happened to the statistician who tried to fjord the river?
A: He drowned because he knew that the average depth was only 3 Feet.

Get it ? Get It?

Audience: Clapping and laughing.

Final score = you lose because you hoped for redemption whgen all futility is God and the need is supposed to be greater than the acheivement.

Why do I think so?

Well, she said, because my Vagina is too open and yet we cannot hold a fucking conversation beyond thew obvious small talk. I am trying to relate to you my writing this too you on the computer. However, I am certain to fail. Drinking whine and watching bittorrent simpsons then listening to music and fizzy water typing that is my fate.

The now is always a good thing too write about. If you write that then you have acheived all that there is to get. Nothing else. I promis3e I am her and you too. I don't care about spelling because the true beleiver will be one of THE PEOPLE AND read through that.

Oh, I love eating cereal when I'm watching my saturday morning cartoons. Remember that this is the now and at least you know now and knowing is half the battle!

Battle ! War ! Baby ! Baby ! I fucked it all up so there you beel;asdjflkasjdf;lksajdlfkjsadlfsuytoiytisdkfbvmxbnviuweyhtgfxncvkiuwyhtrf ilquwn fer chrissaakes. Christ Cakes!

Hobos for Jebus! @@@

We love the nonsense because it is who we are

Holy 18% of everything and I was the nihilist for you baby. Slap my bithc up. We try everything to get them to notice but they never do. Any when they do they just notice the wine. and beer.

I am going to start a new war. It will be the most beautiful war ever. It will start as a peaceful war but those that make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution inevitable. {as if, those fatsos couldn't organise it...}{

the lies under the limber lifter.

My war starts at 3 in the morning when the world is alomost entirely silent. Then a slow smoke will be seen by those that notice. Quickly it will spread until everybody is eating platic foodm shitting plastic bricks and stabbing each other with plastic knives. Then, about 10 AM, the patent laws will kick in and I will own all of that plastic and you will have to fight for breath if that is what you desire: Grap life by the balls and grab it! Or, as they say, try to keep your head up. Until 11AM when the guillotines come and it is time to keep your head down.

DON"T PUBLISH A NEWSPAPER IN IRAQ OR YOU WILL GET SHOT!

You cannot use enough exclaimation points to describe the desperateness that is my life. Then about 12 noon, high noon on your clocks, I begin the war in earnest and my profit quota oil war bankrollopoli oil pipeline ships in. You know what I am talking about. I'm talking BLOOD SWEAT AND IRON because bismarck is less famous than napoleon but Bismarch travelled by train and napoleon just died a confusing kind of death.

Did you get poisoned slowly playing your lead role in that cage, or did you die suddenly in your HumVee fighting machine because you were talking on the cell phone and accidentally drove off of the overpass.

Jesus children, bury me standing.