Today! This morning, I got a phone call while I was brushing my teeth in the bathtub.
I am totally serious dude. I called jane at work and told her and she quit her job on the spot and came home and we made love. I matched all 49 numbers and so I won 49 million dollars.
I'm gonna invest all my money in the banks and I would predict the stockmarkets demise. I would drill for oil and not coal and I would make plutonium for the US government to get even richer because we all know that MONEY TALKS and I can be rich IF THERE IS A NUCLEAR WAR. My advice to you is this, Buy War Bonds!!!
I think the darn goverenamenta is going to take some or all of my money in taxes. They called me right away after the lottery people. I was pooingink into the toilet at that point. I like to shit when I am proud and happy. It makes me feel...
content
So they phoned and said they wanted to build a womens shelter or a rape room or a hospital or a nuclear testing facility and I said: "No way uncle Sam I am keeping it and I am moving it offshore to the camans."
First thing I am going to buy is a new car. I'm going to buy a mustang because its about KEEPIN IT REAL. a mUSTANG IS A NICE CAR ... Oh, I'm too rich and lazy now to correct my typeing... A mustang is a real car because I'm not going to change one bit. I'm gonna stay true.
Then I'm gonna invest and get a lawyer. I'm going to buy copyright royalties. I'm going to copyright all the colours on my body and any time anybody tries to use those colours I'll sue them and You know I'll win because I can afford 8 million dollars worth of lawyers!!! I'll bribe the judge or congress. Either way, you better paint your house soon because I'm going to own the rainbow and you're gonna owe me bigtime.
FUCK i'VE HIT THE PAYDIRT BIGTIME!!!
It's like I found oil or gold or something. There is a rush in my head right now. I feel like eating gold and oil. I think I'll do that. A golden hamburger. From McDonalds.
I'm going to buy a Mcdonalds and I'm going to make it out of solid gold. The whole damn thing even the toilets and the burger wrappers... I'm going to make that place heavy. The windows will be sheets of daimond. It will be on main street and 28th and everything else will be normal about the store except that it will be solid gold. The food will come with golden ketchup made of gold. The gold in each burger will be worth a few hundred dollars but I'm going to sell them for $2.99 like normal. But people aren't allowed to just not eat the burger and take the gold and go sell it for cash. No way hose, they gotta eat it. There will be an armoured guard with a machine gun and he will shoot you if you don't eat the burger and try to just sell it. And that will be legal to get shot for that because anyone who comes in the door will have to sign a specific waiver allowing that. That's the only way in which it will be different from a regular McDees.
That and the floor will be made of giant televisions and they will be showing the 9/11 ejaculatory cum shot of the plane smashing into the second tower from all angers on a constant loop. The floor will be plate glass, 1 inch thick. And there will be large plasma TV screens pressed up underneath, all of them showing the same thing and the entire floor, even in the bathroom, with the 9/11 moneyshot.
Some people may call me sick for doing all this but you bet I will! The world is mine now, now that I have all this money. If you want to change that then you have to change the rules of the game and the game is too big for you because I got all the money and guns now.
I'm going to buy a tank and drive it around town instead of a car. Fuck the mustang. I'm going to drive over people's mustangs. Send your complaints to:
Because I'm gonna buy that store. Then when I own it I will attack it militarily and pay the employees $5 an hour to stay inside and fix things as I break them. This is the FREE Market and I beleive in FREEDOM now baby! I'm going to buy a fleet of Hummers. Real hummers, not the sissy H2. I'll mount artillary on the top and then attack the Wal-Mart with heavy shelling. It will be OK because I'll buy them from the government army and get a license and make a big DONATION to the Hood Canal Base Charity Fund. Yessiree, I'm givin money to charity now. Heave gun metal charity!
Then I'm going to pretend to be a donar to some art mueseums and the library of congress and offer to buy them/sponsor them. Then one night I'll have a big orgy with all the latest hollywood stars and then set the buildings on fire! Literally!
I'm going to be a born again Xian ['Christian' for those of you that don't know the sign 'X' of the cross] I'm going to burn down all of it. I'm going to pledge my soul to Haliburtan and the Catholic Church. I'm going to molest little boys. I'm going to start my own religious death cult and found an new state just like the mormans. I'll send young men into the army and off to war and the government will give me subsidies for my recruitment bioengineering church.
And I'll breed fish. Fish with baby monkeys. Breed babies from the third world with crocodiles. I'll do that in secret. Lets see if a human embryo is viable with gills!?!?
Oh baby, I am so glad I won the lottery. Now I'm going to BE the bank and I'll write my own checks and loan money to the city when times are tough. Oh boy. Time for fun and adventure. I've got power now and you don't.
I went to the graveyard to pay my respects and to feel humble, to get some perspective on life and death. Fuck THAT! Those jerks are all DEAD and I can piss on their graves and they can do nothing at all about it! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA
But they informed me that since this is the State lottery that there are rules and I have to pay back 30% no matter what and also I can't bring more than $88,000 out of the country per year. I phoned up a lawyer and apparently that is the damn law so I am screwed. Every year they plan to take off $3 million dollars in taxes to give to gay orphans to have abortions or something. Damn it! I voted for George Bush and yet I am still being taxed.
First thing I am going to buy is a new car. I'm going to buy a mustang because its about KEEPIN IT REAL. a mUSTANG IS A NICE CAR ... Oh, I'm too rich and lazy now to correct my typeing... A mustang is a real car because I'm not going to change one bit. I'm gonna stay true.
Then I'm gonna invest and get a lawyer. I'm going to buy copyright royalties. I'm going to copyright all the colours on my body and any time anybody tries to use those colours I'll sue them and You know I'll win because I can afford 8 million dollars worth of lawyers!!! I'll bribe the judge or congress. Either way, you better paint your house soon because I'm going to own the rainbow and you're gonna owe me bigtime.
FUCK i'VE HIT THE PAYDIRT BIGTIME!!!
It's like I found oil or gold or something. There is a rush in my head right now. I feel like eating gold and oil. I think I'll do that. A golden hamburger. From McDonalds.
I'm going to buy a Mcdonalds and I'm going to make it out of solid gold. The whole damn thing even the toilets and the burger wrappers... I'm going to make that place heavy. The windows will be sheets of daimond. It will be on main street and 28th and everything else will be normal about the store except that it will be solid gold. The food will come with golden ketchup made of gold. The gold in each burger will be worth a few hundred dollars but I'm going to sell them for $2.99 like normal. But people aren't allowed to just not eat the burger and take the gold and go sell it for cash. No way hose, they gotta eat it. There will be an armoured guard with a machine gun and he will shoot you if you don't eat the burger and try to just sell it. And that will be legal to get shot for that because anyone who comes in the door will have to sign a specific waiver allowing that. That's the only way in which it will be different from a regular McDees.
That and the floor will be made of giant televisions and they will be showing the 9/11 ejaculatory cum shot of the plane smashing into the second tower from all angers on a constant loop. The floor will be plate glass, 1 inch thick. And there will be large plasma TV screens pressed up underneath, all of them showing the same thing and the entire floor, even in the bathroom, with the 9/11 moneyshot.
Some people may call me sick for doing all this but you bet I will! The world is mine now, now that I have all this money. If you want to change that then you have to change the rules of the game and the game is too big for you because I got all the money and guns now.
I'm going to buy a tank and drive it around town instead of a car. Fuck the mustang. I'm going to drive over people's mustangs. Send your complaints to:
| Wal-Mart Store #2947 | ||
| 9000 N.E. Hwy 99 Vancouver, WA 98665 |
Because I'm gonna buy that store. Then when I own it I will attack it militarily and pay the employees $5 an hour to stay inside and fix things as I break them. This is the FREE Market and I beleive in FREEDOM now baby! I'm going to buy a fleet of Hummers. Real hummers, not the sissy H2. I'll mount artillary on the top and then attack the Wal-Mart with heavy shelling. It will be OK because I'll buy them from the government army and get a license and make a big DONATION to the Hood Canal Base Charity Fund. Yessiree, I'm givin money to charity now. Heave gun metal charity!
Then I'm going to pretend to be a donar to some art mueseums and the library of congress and offer to buy them/sponsor them. Then one night I'll have a big orgy with all the latest hollywood stars and then set the buildings on fire! Literally!
I'm going to be a born again Xian ['Christian' for those of you that don't know the sign 'X' of the cross] I'm going to burn down all of it. I'm going to pledge my soul to Haliburtan and the Catholic Church. I'm going to molest little boys. I'm going to start my own religious death cult and found an new state just like the mormans. I'll send young men into the army and off to war and the government will give me subsidies for my recruitment bioengineering church.
And I'll breed fish. Fish with baby monkeys. Breed babies from the third world with crocodiles. I'll do that in secret. Lets see if a human embryo is viable with gills!?!?
Oh baby, I am so glad I won the lottery. Now I'm going to BE the bank and I'll write my own checks and loan money to the city when times are tough. Oh boy. Time for fun and adventure. I've got power now and you don't.
I went to the graveyard to pay my respects and to feel humble, to get some perspective on life and death. Fuck THAT! Those jerks are all DEAD and I can piss on their graves and they can do nothing at all about it! YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAA
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